Jerry’s blog

Hello Everyone.  I hope that you are having a happy holiday season.

I am going to put this out there so that someone...somewhere will one day read this and understand.  At least a little (You will have to forgive my poor grammer; I am not exactly in a normal frame of mind). 

So I met a girl named Sam a few years back.  She was incredible-everything that I had ever wanted in a woman.  I met her at work, and over the years we had developed a deep bond.  The situation never really amounted to anything, as she had a serious boyfriend at the time.  (A little bit about me:  I still believe in love.  I believe in soul mates.  I believe that you can feel it when you are with someone whether or not you belong with them).  As the years went on, I still loved this girl-just as much as I always have.  We fell out of contact for the most part, only speaking casually.  I had a major issue that took the wind out of my sails, and she was there for me in the beginning.  Near the end however, it proved too much for her and she wasn't there for me.  I never blamed her, because I understood what a terrible position it put her in.  And besides, she has no real stake in the matter as I never was her boyfriend or anything.  While it really hurt me, I never stopped loving her.

Some time later, we began being friends again.  Things seemingly picked up right where they left off for the most part.  We were having lots of fun and enjoying each others company.  At this point I knew that her and I would never be a couple.  She was still with the guy, and he wanted to take it to the next level.  I began the process of adjusting myself to that.  I must say that I did as well as anyone in my position could.  While I still felt that she was my soulmate, I did all that I could to stamp that part of me away.  As we were hanging out again, I was introduced to her best friend.  A terrific girl named Jenna.  She was a great girl, and we hit if off right away. She got my sense of humor…she just got me. It had been nearly 8 years since I had that much fun with someone. Granted, I was never put in the capacity to have fun like that, but still. I won’t drag on, but she is an amazing woman.

As my luck would have it, things were put in motion that had Sam and her boyfriend break up. She went through the requisite wild phase post-breakup. Then something unexpected happened. She began to like me…as a boyfriend. As you can imagine, the drama reached hurricane proportions. Actually, I am sorry everyone. I just now realized that if you don’t know the people involved, then this story won’t make any sense, nor have any relevance.
Bottom line-there was SEVERE tension between the two girls. These two girls were the best of friends, and I really mean that. I was coming between that. I had to somehow try to fix the problem, but there was no graceful way out. If I picked Sam, then Jenna would (rightfully) hate me and her. If I picked Jenna, then I would be giving up the chance to be with the person that I believe to be my soul mate, as well as angering her. You don’t get chances like that in this life. How the hell could I get out of this?
I did the only thing that I know how to do. It wasn’t pretty, and it breaks my heart more than anyone could possibly imagine. I chose to have them both hate me. In this effect, they are now friends again. And I am back where I started. For those that truly know me, then you know that I only have one thing left to do on my list now.
Sadly, since it is the holidays, I want to wish all of my friends over the years the very best.
Brooke Ashley-I love you.
Jacinda-I really miss you. I’ll never forget you. Love & Peace.
Lori-Best of luck with Max. You have been a great friend hon!
Travis-I am so sorry for being such a piece of shit to you. I still haven’t forgiven myself for ruining your wedding. I hate letting you down.
Brandon & Beth-I could say the same to you guys. You have always been so kind to me, and yet I always treat you so badly. I am sorry guys. Best of luck to you with Attitude Alley.
Janae-The world needs more of you. You are truly one of a kind. God bless you.
Everyone else-I am sorry for being such a shitty person over the years. I never quite figured out how to do it right. Know that I did the best I knew how. I never learned to love myself, so I may have loved you all very poorly. I hope that someday you can forgive me.
One last time…

Just what does Christmas mean anymore? is it commercialism? Do people still celebrate its religious importance? Is it a simply a reason for vacation from work ? Time to regroup with the family?

I will post my thoughts tonight since the battery on my Mogul is dying.

cheers!

Sorry for the lack of updates...I feel like a politician. I keep making promises-and breaking them.

Work Sucks etc.

What work of art (film, book, record, whatever) changed your life?
Submitted by bodhibound.

I am not sure that any specific piece has changed my life, but there have been ones that have affected it to this day.  I am severely influenced by Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, and the HBO animates series Spawn. 

Commence with the name calling!  May I suggest dork?